DISSOCIATION

Forever stuck in two places:
Past and present, then and now.

The ground is so hard,
Uncomfortable.
My hand hits the pews;
I reach for the seat to prop myself up—

I am sitting in the group room.
The sound of music playing,
Fellow patients around me:
Green socks, yellow socks, no socks—

Where am I?
Far away, lost, dissociated—
Present, anchored, grounded—
The church and the hospital.

Please please please
I don’t want to be there
Leave her alone leave me alone
I can’t do it please—

I breathe. In. Out.
Rub my fingers over my scars.

Go numb.