Princess Thoughts

We’re useless. Purposeless. Everything we do is about doing things right and following the Rules. What are we supposed to do without an owner? Think for ourselves? Do what we want? It just doesn’t make sense. We want to do what He wants to do, what they want to do, what anyone else wants to do. We’re not meant to be independent in this world. We were trained to follow orders and be quiet. Without an owner, everything we’ve learned is useless. Was all that pain really for nothing? That’s not fair that’s not fair that’s not fair—

He loved us. Parts can argue about it all they want, but you can’t deny that He really did care. There’s no one who will ever love us like that. People who have never been in it think it’s wrong or demeaning. They won’t give us the ease that comes from taking orders or serving men and knowing that you’ll be praised for your good behavior or doing anything that makes us feel useful. Living without an owner means that we will never have that sort of purpose, drive, love, attention—any of it, ever again. How is that a good thing?

I feel so alone in the world. I miss Him more than anything. I didn’t have to think with Him; the only thought I had was that I loved Him. He scared me and made me feel gross and is the reason I started wanting to die so young, but oh, how I loved Him. I just wanted to be His good girl, and I was.

Do you think He misses me too? What if I’m too old for Him now? That would make me feel gross…

I should just go back. But what if He doesn’t want me back? I almost feel like that would be the worst thing in the world.

What if He abandoned me? Then I really would be alone in the world. If He doesn’t love me, no one does.

— Princess/002